My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
