Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
A+ Viking dick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
