Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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