You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize