Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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