At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
