Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize