I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
