One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize