nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
