Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
