Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
