I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
