never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
