It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
