I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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