Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
