tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
