I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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