I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
