I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize