I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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