I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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