so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
