Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
