I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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