On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
