Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
