No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize