I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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