Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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