sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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