I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize