So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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