420 ftw
...so i touched it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
