R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
