remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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