they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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