Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
