Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im holly from the hills drunk
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
