he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
soo... how was my night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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