I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
