If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
