Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
