I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
