thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So many bounce houses so little time
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
