My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
