You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
