I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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