It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
