I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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