Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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