Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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