After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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