You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
