I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
