You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
