you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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