Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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