I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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