I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
