As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize