Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
