I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
