Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
