the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize