Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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