Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
