During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Couch. On fire.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
