Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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