Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
