Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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