Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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