I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
