"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
