i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we're so committed to being not committed
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