Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
